A woman is asking for help through a GoFundMe page after she gouged out her own eyeballs while high on meth because she thought it would bring her closer to God, according to a report. Kaylee Muthart, 20, of South Carolina told Cosmopolitan magazine that it all started with drinking and smoking marijuana, which later led to harder drugs while she was in school.

She says she was given marijuana that may have been laced with cocaine or meth last summer, and that caused her to quit school and her job after thinking that was her friend who had done it. She also lost her relationship with her boyfriend and started to focus more on drugs, according to the report.

While Muthart later got another jobs, she started experimenting with meth in August, to the point that she sometimes picked at her face while tripping on meth. As a result she lost the job out of embarrassment over how it made her look.

So she turned to the Bible, and was convinced that the meth would help her get closer to God. After a failed intervention by her mother, she bought meth from her dealer on Feb. 6, 2018, and all hell broke loose, Muthart told the magazine.

“I thought everything would end abruptly, and everyone would die, if I didn’t tear out my eyes immediately,” she told Cosmopolian. “I don’t know how I came to that conclusion, but I felt it was, without doubt, the right, rational thing to do immediately.”

A man driving by asked her a question, and she took that as a sign from God.

“So I pushed my thumb, pointer, and middle finger into each eye. I gripped each eyeball, twisted, and pulled until each eye popped out of the socket — it felt like a massive struggle, the hardest thing I ever had to do,” she said. “Because I could no longer see, I don’t know if there was blood. But I know the drugs numbed the pain. I’m pretty sure I would have tried to claw right into my brain if a pastor hadn’t heard me screaming, ‘I want to see the light!’ — which I don’t recall saying — and restrained me.”

The act horrified the people across the street. Muthart said she has been clean ever since that moment, and is now attempting to raise money through GoFundMe for a seeing-eye dog.